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Old Simons

Through some mysterious space-time flux created by one of the Good Doctors' more 'messy' experiments, a copy of Dr. Simons was summoned from the depths of the future. Old Simons, or Simons at 90, has been known to appear at random around Edmonton, and surprisingly, he is a true force to be reckoned with. Unlike his present-day counterpart, Old Simons has a cane and a pair of ears that don't "do" loud noises. Indeed, if they do encounter one, the result usually involves someone being dispatched by Old Simons' wooden cane and the remark "ah...pipe down". Although his appearances are not usually given much attention, he has proven useful a few times, when the Good Doctors were in great peril.

Old Gordon

Gordon Freeman is of course Simons' best friend and colleague, and it so happens that the same experiment that produced Old Simons also copied Dr. Freeman. However, Gordon's clone had a much different fate. As it seems, the poor old man from 30 years in the future was not only sucked back in time, but was enigmatically amalgamated into the fabric of space-time, and sometimes "shows up" at very, very odd places. The places he shows up are so odd that they suggest Old Gordon may well be the only being in Edmonton who really knows what is going on. For example, after the activation of the controversial Black Hole Device, the unfortunately deceased Dr. Simons found himself in a room with no doors and no windows, and Old Gordon sitting in a chair at the other end. Old Gordon's purpose is unknown, as is his use to the other doctors.

The Bikers

Given the huge assortment of clubs and bars in Edmonton, naturally you'd expect quite a few bikers passing through. Well, the bikers here are particularly aggressive and don't take too kindly to slow-poke drivers, or blue vans driving down the freeway – in fact these good ol' boyz will cut just about any one off, roar ahead with their Harley-mounted comrades, flipping off everything in sight, screaming "F**K YOU ADOLF --GET OFF THE ROAD" - their breads flapping around in the wind. Also, these guys don't 'do' the doctors taking up their stools at the bar, and Gordon normally gets a brutal boot out the front door.


The man who calls himself Seabass is a burly, unintelligent man who likes "sporting" such as blasting squirrels in McAdams park, and catching "huskies" in the bay. He is only a threat to the good doctors on an individual scale, because he likes hanging out near Ernie's Diner. It seems that he has a small problem with almost all the Hyponi staff members, especially Simons. Usually he limits this to rude comments, spitting on Simons' BLT or tripping him as he leaves. But the brute can get very violent and have a scuffle with the "panzy-*sses", as he calls them.


Pepe is a derranged man currently "doing time" at Greendale Retreat for mad blabberings, such as him proposing the aliens were taking the atmosphere. Now he's deep within the maximum-security wing, doing weekly checkups with Watson. Surprisingly though, most of his thoughts are near-accurate...only it normally involves some rogue experiments or The Doctor; he may be telepathetic. Watson often brings him around town with him..."all part of the treatment".

Simons Zeus

Simons, while installing some new experimental power couplings for controlling the weather on the roof of the Hyponi Labs building, was struck by lightning. The millions of volts left the good doctor we knew, no longer alive, but what was left was Simons-Zeus, a lightning-bolt throwing 12-foot-tall giant with a robe and sandals. When the board stumbled across him on the helicopter pad, Norton was at first displeased with the new ‘Santa Cruzian' look, but the god of gods persuaded him to see….his point of view, with a few million volts. After ridding of the pesky board, Simons-Zeus took to the skies and disappeared into a rather lumpy billow of clouds, where he…resides today, regularly bombarding Edmonton with nightly lightning storms. After Gordon heard the news, he himself tried getting struck by lightning, only he ended up a blackened crisp across the pavement, nothing more.

Bruce the Hairdresser

Bruce works down at 23rd 'n Stern' a small hair saloon preparing hair each day. The good doctors typically find that it is better he stay contained in that part of town, although sometimes he and his...assistant, Rydell, escape and harass the labs, or simply get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time on one of the doctors' adventures. One time The Doctor made a mistake by converting Bruce into a Black Guard – what resulted was the entire batch of his troops becoming thong-crazed and hair-obsessed – they even tried to make curls in the barracks.


Not much is known about this strange entity, other than that it looks like a giant...salmon - only with Simons' hair tufts. Some believe that it was the result of Simons stepping into the Genetics Lab, not knowing that Gordon had been drinking fish juice, but Simons claims to have first seen it on a fishing trip in the Greendale hills. Salmons doesn't really cause any destruction; it just shows up, fish eyes sticking out.

Colonel Sanders

In the late 2020s, the popular fast food chain known as KFC was shut down. Its founder Colonel Sanders, of course, died long ago, but today he is preserved as a very life-like blow-up doll that...ironically, seems impossible to deflate. Upon the shut down, which was the result of a hostile take-over by Sigmund Associates, every single commodity related to KFC was liquidated, and the left-overs launched to the sun. Somehow, this single blow-up doll, which strangely enough floats around on its own at a gradual pace, managed to escape the holocaust. Today he can be found gallivanting around Ernie's Diner, or drifting amongst the rafters deep within the lower labs.